


Emotionally Constipated

by rebelforcauses



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-28
Updated: 2017-05-28
Packaged: 2018-11-05 19:15:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11019801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rebelforcauses/pseuds/rebelforcauses





	Emotionally Constipated

Sirius Black didn't know how to properly help people. He didn't know how to make them feel better or cuase them to feel good about themselves. He blamed growing up in a loveless home, though that didn't exactly excuse the fact he was a perpetual fuck up when it came to emotional matters.

* * *

**I**

In their second year James Potter and Sirius Black had stayed up late, both their still small bodies were huddled together so they'd both be able to fit onto James's four poster bed, the ruby colored curtains were drawn and both boys held their illuminating wands. The troublesome pair were in pajama's, Sirius in a pair of silver silk ones that his cranky old, bat of a mother had the equally old house elf Kretcher fetch for him over Christmas break after another growth spurt, and James in a pair of red underwear, grey socks and an old oversize sweater that once belonged to his father before the older Potter had outgrew.

James dried his eyes for what seemed to be the hundredth time that day. The boy's grandmother Dorea Potter had died and James, her only grandson and close confident was left to wallow.

"James," Sirius didn't know how to handle this situation. No one in his family had died. Okay so his great grandfather Pollux had passed when he was a toddler but he was neither close to the old fart nor old enough to comprehend death. "It's okay? I mean, at least she's not in pain?"

"It's fine Sirius," James said with a half shrug, "There's a test in Potions tomorrow, you should be asleep." Sirius's gray eyes slightly widened at James.

"And leave you here to sulk?" It was rhetorical. James didn't fully smile at Sirius's sentiment but the corner of his lips turned up and the paler of the two could almost see a warmth spreed through his friend's body.

"Hey Sirius," James spoke after a few long moments of silence.

"Yea?" Sirius was hopeful that James would open up.

"I think I'm going to go to bed, but," James licked his lips, "Thanks." and James extinguished his wand was he slipped under his covers and Sirius to slide off of his bed and onto the cold wood floor.

"Night James."

* * *

**II**

"Why are your knuckles bloody Padfoot?" Tiny, slightly pudgy Peter Pettigrew asked his friend Sirius Black. The friends were both in their fourth year and Peter had found Sirius trying to- and failing to -wrap his knuckles while sitting at the edge of his bed.

Sirius's shaggy head snapped to look wide eye at his friend and a blush came over his face and neck and ears. Because it wasn't like he could just tell Peter he'd done the exact opposite of what the sandy blonde boy asked of him and their other two friends, James and Remus, not to do when the trio found out their compadre was being pushed round by older Slytherin's.

"What?" He hoped he misheard the round-faced Gryffindor.

"I asked why your knuckles are bloody-is your head hurt too?" Peter scrambled over to his friends. Sirius drew back a breath and stopped trying to wrap his hands due to the fact Peter had taken over his healthcare.

"I-," the more handsome boy of the two hesitated, "I got into a fight." Peter looked at Sirius and rolled his granny smith colored eyes.

"I can see that, but with who?" Peter's voice was squeaky and pointed as he dropped Sirius's now properly bandaged left hand and moved onto the boys right hand.

"Is that really important?" Sirius gave out a nervous chuckle and Peter took no notice to it because the boy hummed, nodding with his pink tongue aught between his lips.

"So who was it?" Peter looked at Sirius, waiting for the dark haired boys' answer.

"I got into it with some Slytherins." Peter paled as Sirius mumbled his answer.

"You mean the Slytherins I told you, James and Remus not to get into it with-or some other Slytherins?" Peter already knew and his knowledge was confirmed when Sirius stayed quite. Peter dropped Sirius's other, not patched up, hand and stood up.

"I don't see the problem-"

"Of course you don't! You don't get pushed around, Sirius!"

"Yea and now nether do you! They'll know-," Peter flapped his arms around, his face now red.

"Know that I have an attack dog waiting on my command to protect me! Sirius do you know how much weaker that makes me seem?" Peter cut him off with a screech.

"I-I" Sirius stuttered.

"Just!" Peter drew in a deep, calming breath. His face's original color returning, "Just leave me alone Sirius."

Sirius's chest tightened as he saw Peter toddle out of their dorm. He thought he was doing something right for once.

* * *

**III**

Lily Evans was seen crying in a muggle park by Sirius Black between their fourth and fifth years at Hogwarts.

"Evans, you're crying?" There was no way scary Lily Evans was crying. Not only could the girl handle someone twice her size but it seemed to him she was made of stone, nothing got past her. People were passing them by, thinking the boy with long hair and a leather jacket made the girl with bell bottoms and a Beatles pull over cry. Sirius glared threateningly at a middle aged couple who looked far to nosy.

"Whadda you wan Black?" her sobs mingled with her words, cutting and suffocating syllables. Sirius sat down next to her and patted her knee.

"Chin up Evans, it can't be that bad," Sirius tried to lighten the mood. Lily with bright, puffy red-rimmed eyes glared at him.

"My sister hates me, it's bad Black," she snapped and Sirius winced. He left 12 Grimmold Place hours ago to get away from hateful family members, not to go find someone elses.

"My family hates me to and I'm fine with it," he lied. He hated his mother threw things at him, and his father spat curses and all while his little brother did nothing. But lily Evans sis not need to know that.

"They do?" Lily stopped crying.

"Of course, they're just jealous."

"Sometimes I think Tunney's jealous I have magic" her voice is small now.

"What's your family jealous about?" She questions.

"That I got all the looks," Sirius winked and Lily puffed her cheeks out in anger and hit Sirius in the middle of his chest.

"Just when I think you're being nice you're still an arse Black!" Sirius jumped up and smirked at the red head who had now stopped crying-a positive, but now wanted his head-negative.

"Oh look at the time- _seeyougottago_ " Sirius ran off, Lily chasing him a few feet as his laughter carried him to the music shop around the corner from his home.

* * *

**IV**

"What's wrong mate?" Sirius asked Remus as the latter sat in the three broom sticks sulking. They were fifth years and upcoming OWLS and approaching full moons were hard on them. Sirius had wondered in and saw the scared boy sitting all by his lonesome self at the bar. Sirius ordered his own butter-beer as Remus sat hunched over his.

"Dorcas is 'ere with Fenwick," Remus murmured into the foam of his butterbeer. Dorcas Meadowes was a girl, a friend to both boys, and someone Remus had been silently pining away after for over a year.

"Is she here with Fenwick or is she here _with_ Fenwick?" Sirius questioned, his head swiveling around to find the dark-skinned witch and the chatty Ravenclaw. Remus sent his friend a glare.

"Oh, Sorry about that mate-must be hard," Sirius's beefy hand was on the bony shoulder of the teen werewolf. Remus's face pulled into a deeper frown.

"'ts not your fault," Remus shrugged as he cast his eyes over to the table where the witch of his dreams giggled at something an Irish boy named Benjy said.

"Prat," Remus growled, his knuckles were white around the glass handle of the cup.

"Hey," Sirius got Remus's attention, "Why don't we just leave and head on over to Zonko's? James and Peter are there."

"No, I paid for a drink and I'm going to drink it!" Remus made no effort to bring his drink up to his lips. Instead he continued to look at Dorcas and Fenwick.

"If that was some prat and Marlene, well I'd fight 'em," Sirius blabbered into his drink, not thinking about how both the upcoming full moon and his words would give the werewolf the idea to do exactly that.

_THUMP_

Sirius stopped talking when he heard someone, Benjy, hit the floor and Dorcas shout at Remus: "What the fuck Lupin?" and Remus blinking like he'd just come out of a trance of some sorts.

Sirius sighed loudly before grabbing his leather jacket and leaving the bar, and thus Remus because there was no way he was going to face an angry Dorcas Meadows. She was almost as bad as an angry Lily.

* * *

**V**

Sirius Black was sixteen and kissing Marlene McKinnon. He was tipsy and she was drunk. Early that day she'd been dumped by a shitty guy who Sirius had never liked. When they first started off the now empty bottle of fire whiskey the words "Told you so," had been on the tip f his tongue. Now she was.

She tasted of butterscotch hard candy, fresh whiskey and magic. Sirius Black was sure that's what a love potion under his noise would smell like. Her hands threaded through his hair and his hands settled at her waist as she straddled him. They were laying on her bed, a candy stripped comforter and mismatching ugly sunshine yellow fitted sheet.

It was once her lips detached from his and started to suck on his neck that oxygen started to flow regularly to his brain once more. Sirius realized that having sex with a drunken Marlene, the girl he secretly loved, was a bad idea. He curled his lip and frowned.

"Marlene," he called trying to get her attention. Instead, she started to leave darker hickeys along his collarbones.

"Marley," He tried again, this time sounding firmer. His tone grabbed the attention of the drunken girl.

"Sirius?" She sounded so lost, the boy sat up and placed her next to him; swollen lips, disheveled clothing and all.

"Why did you stop kissing me?" She sounded so innocent it hurt Sirius.

"Because I can't," he answered truthfully, holding her face in his hands.

"Don't you want to though?"

"Of course I do Marley," he told her softly.

"Than you shouldn't stop," she giggled drunkenly. She tried to kiss him but Sirius pulled away.

"Marlene," he said sternly, "I want to kiss you-I do, but not when you're drunk."

"If you think I don't mean it I do," she whined, "Drunk me is-" hiccup "-Honest me."

Sirius growled in frustration. He knew he wanted to kiss her, touch her. But her eyes were blurry and she was swaying above him. It hurt to be this close to her and not be able to do anything about it.

* * *

**VI**

Dorcas was wrapped up in a blue parka when Sirius Black found her. It was January and past curfew-way past curfew and yet both broken souls were up and at the astronomy tower at three in the morning and Sirius knew this couldn't be good. She had all her dark frizzy hair was kept under an ugly kitted cap she'd gotten on Christmas-a gift from his maybe-girlfriend Marlene. The cigarette she was smoking, however, was not a gift from someone he knew.

"Meadowes," his hands were stuffed in his pockets and as he spoke her name a cloud of warm air passed from his lips. The dark skinned female jumped at the pure blood voice.

"Why are you up Black?" she hadn't bothered to turn around once she mentally placed a face to the voice-a voice that already held a know-it-all tone and smirk.

"Now I could ask the same Meadowes," Sirius answered. He settled next to her, his left shoulder nestled her right one.

"Thinking on how I can show that friend of yours, Lupin, how I'm perfectly fine without him." Remus had dumped her hours prior and out of the blue. The duo had dated two years running and than he broke it off early that day in a deserted corridor. Lupin had done it with a stony face and cold eyes. Bastard.

"Yeah, I heard about that. Sorry," He was. He liked Dorcas, she was a kindred spirit, almost like the sister he always wanted; and Remus, one of his best mates, his brother, had thought she deserved better than him, a lowly werewolf and thus put a heartbreaking end to their love filled relationship.

"Whatever," she scoffed, though her hazel eyes suddenly became even more watery than they had already been.

"You don't have to be strong Meadowes," Sirius spoke, he touched her forearm and she looked at him with big venerable eyes, "Everyone can see he broke your heart." That hadn't been thr right thing to say. Dorcas snatched her arm from his touch and glared at him. Whatever vulnerability that had been in there seconds ago washed away and hardened into a stone wall.

"Nobody breaks my heart," she was so guarded and hurt at being betrayed by his friend, Sirius could swear he saw the same look Remus had in his eyes whenever he looked at him after the incident with Snape and the Whomping Willow incident. She threw the butt of her cigarette off the astronomy tower and turned on her heels, a snarl still lingering on her face as she stalked off and back to common room. Hopefully evading professors on her way back.

* * *

Sirius 'Perpetual fuck-up' Black constantly tried to be a good friend and lend a hand to friends in need. Too bad he can't do anything right.


End file.
